Sunday, February 3, 2008
Blog 3-First Day Hunting
As I pushed through the tendrils, I saw a group of pigs. Come on stupid pig. I thought to myself. I was festooned in bushes and leaves and vines. Going at this rate, I will never catch a pig. I want to kill this pig so bad. I looked at the barb on the end on my weapon, I was using to hunt. This better be sharp enough, I thought to myself. I decided to go back to the lagoon to see what the others were up to. As Ralph started yelling at me, something about not doing anything for the group. What I do for the group is something that I have fun with, he was saying. I just couldn't keep my mind off that pig. What did I do wrong? I'm helping the group by getting food, right? And once I get a pig, I will be a hero! I was so bewildered about why he was angry with me. I don't flaunt what a good hunter I am. Even though I know I have killer instincts. Where as Ralph is inscrutable. No one knows what he's really thinking when he is always giving those furtive looks. The moment Ralph had said to me, Where's the meat?, I knew that I was never going to be the leader. It's just not fair! If Ralph just had a glimmer of who I really am. I am a born leader and hunter and hunting is hard work too! I think Ralph is obsessed with trying to get off this island and having everyone work so hard building shelters and making fire. We're never going to get off this island, at least not for a while. It's all feels so oppressive. I'm sick of Ralph telling us what to do all the time!
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6 comments:
Gala-
I really like how you really got Jack's opinion across in this journal. I also liked how you started with an action, it made it alot more interesting.
Gala I enjoyed reading this piece mainly because of what Molly said, you really got the point across of Jack's opinions. Although a little more detail could always help. Your doing great, keep it up!
Hi Gala,
Like Molly and Mia said, you really got Jack's opinion across. I espescially liked:
"What I do for the group is something that I have fun with, he was saying. I just couldn't keep my mind off that pig. What did I do wrong? I'm helping the group by getting food, right?"
It really shows his true thoughts and I loved how you made it sounds like truly does think that he's helping the group.
Gala-
I really enjoyed reading your blog. You included alot of Jack's thoughts. I felt that this made your blog very strong.
Keep writing like this!
Gala,
I enjoyed your interpretation of Jack's perspective. Your introduction is compelling. I'd like to "see" and "feel" more of this scene. What colors does Jack see? What does the pig look like? How does it move? Why does Jack want to kill the pig so badly?
REVISION: Add 5 sentences to the following passage. Answer some of the questions above.
"As I pushed through the tendrils, I saw a group of pigs. Come on stupid pig. I thought to myself. I was festooned in bushes and leaves and vines. Going at this rate, I will never catch a pig. I want to kill this pig so bad. I looked at the barb on the end on my weapon, I was using to hunt. This better be sharp enough, I thought to myself."
"As I pushed through the tendrils, I saw a group of pigs, pink with brown dirt spots on them. All the pigs squealed and feared for their life. Come on, stupid pig. I thought to myself. I was festooned in bushes and leaves and vines. Going at this rate, I will never catch a pig. I want to kill this pig so bad. If I kill this pig I will be a hero and everyone will thank me for getting them food. I looked at the barb on the end on my weapon that I was using to hunt. This better be sharp enough, I thought to myself." like a sharks tooth.
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